Denial
Most people, when faced with the diagnosis of schizophrenia in a loved one, go through a phase of denial. This makes it very difficult for other members of the family to cope. Any efforts they make on the "patient's" behalf may be stymied when another family member won't accept the diagnosis. Removing the defences of a family member who is protecting himself by denying that a real disorder is at work is difficult and distressing. Arguments may occur to disrupt the household even further.
There is no particular solution to this problem except to provide information about schizophrenia, so that the person can see that many of the events happening in his family could be related to the disorder. Time may be the ingredient necessary for acceptance even when knowledge and support are available.
Blame
Sometimes families look around for a scapegoat for their situation. A common one is the doctor/psychiatrist. Sometimes the victim himself comes in for some blame. The sooner everyone realizes that the real enemy is the brain disorder itself, the sooner they can begin to cooperate with each other and work towards the person's recovery.
Shame
To come to terms with feelings of shame, it is necessary to assess how you felt about mental illness before it happened to you. If your attitude was of compassion before, then you may have no problem with shame. If you viewed mental illness with fear, extreme embarrassment or even horror, your feelings of shame will be difficult to overcome. Remember that 30 years ago people were ashamed if a relative developed cancer. It was spoken of in whispers because it frightened and horrified people. Today no one would dream of being ashamed about cancer. Through education, understanding and better medical knowledge, society has come to terms with a devastating disease. In time, this will be true about schizophrenia.
You may feel that you cannot tell anyone about the schizophrenia in your family, but making up false excuses or white lies for your relative's behaviour will only compound the problem which is difficult enough. Confide in close friends who will lend positive support.
Finding the words is sometimes difficult. Calling schizophrenia "a mental breakdown" or a "thought disorder" is an introduction to further explanation if you cannot bring yourself to say the word. Explain some of the symptoms. Your friends will want to know, as you did, what schizophrenia means. You may want to join a self-help group where your problems will be treated in confidence, where you can speak freely about your experiences and fears.
In many countries, schizophrenia family organizations provide a help line where you can talk about your situation. You should also request information from this source. There are also chat sites on the world-wide web.
To find out more about the final stages, please click here: Maintaining Your Own Health: For Family Members Caring for Relatives with a Mental Disorder
